Görüntü sizi aldatmasın, ben ödev yapıyorum aslında şu anda... Gerçekten... Sadece o kadar uzun süre politika ve gençlerin ilişkisini yazmaktan sıkıldım... Hem 600 kelime gibi azıcık bir şey kaldı... Üstelik benim daha 2 saat vaktim var...
Bugün Mayfest başlıyor... Sonunda... Aylardır "Mayfest olsun artık" diye geziyordum, sonunda oldu... Hava falan da güzel... Free Hugs pankartlarımız da hazır...
Cumartesi günü tekrar Dogma'yı izledim Zeyneple... Ve inanılmaz bir film olduğunu karar verdim bir kez daha... Buyrun size birkaç diyalog...
Metatron: I am to charge you with a holy crusade.
Bethany: For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
Metatron: Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished. And no one's even asking you to build an ark. All you have to do is go to New Jersey, and visit a small church on a very important day.
Bethany: New Jersey? That doesn't sound like much of a crusade.
Metatron: Aside from the fine print, that's it.
Bethany: What's the fine print?
Metatron: [mumbling into glass] Stopacoupleofangelsfromenteringandthusnegatingallexistence.
Bethany: Wait, wait, wait. Repeat that.
Metatron: Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence. I hate when people need it spelled out for them.
Bethany: McHenry is pretty far from Jersey, might I ask what brings you guys to Illinois?
Jay: Some fuck named John Hughes.
Bethany: "16 Candles" John Hughes?
Jay: You know him too? That fucking guy. Made this flick "16 Candles" right? Not bad it's got tits in it, but no bush. Of course Ebert over here don't give a shit about that stuff cause he's all in love with this John Hughes guy and rents every one of his movies. Fucking "Breakfast Club" all these stupid kids actually show up to detention, fucking "Weird Science" where this one chick wants to take off her gear and get down, but aw, no she don't cause it's a PG movie, and then there's "Pretty In Pink" which I can't watch with this tubby muthafucker any more, because everytime we get to the part where the red head hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin' like a little eight-year-old with a skinned knee and shit. And nothing is worse then watching a fat man weep.
Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it - Do it and I'll fuckin' spank you. "
Jay: Get offa me. I wanna see what's up. What the fuck is this shit? Who the fuck are you, lady? Why the fuck did you hug my head?
Metatron: Quite a little mouth on him, isn't there?
Jay: What the fuck is this, The Piano? Why ain't this broad talking?
Metatron: I believe the answers that you seek lie within my companion's eyes.
Jay: What the fuck does that mean? Has everyone gone fuckin' nuts? What the fuck happened to that guy's head? I want some...
[God kisses him on the cheek. Jay faints]
Bethany: What's he like?
Metatron: God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?
Metatron: The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.
Rufus: You know what the dead do with most of their time? They watch the living. Especially in the shower.
Jay: I can't wait to die.
Bethany: Wait a minute. Christ. You know Christ?
Rufus: Knew him? Shit, nigga owes me 12 bucks!
[about Azrael's neutrality in the Holy Conflict]
Jay: What are you, some kind of fucking chicken?
Azrael: No, I was an ARTIST, STUPID! I WAS INSPIRATION! A muse has no place in battle!
Serendipity: So after the fallen were banished to hell, God turned on those who wouldn't fight, and Azrael was sent down with the demons.
[mockingly]
Serendipity: Something he considers a GRAVE injustice!
Azrael: Ah, come on! Don't tell me you NEVER questioned the judgement, Serendipity.
Serendipity: No. It never bothered me. So you were an artist! Big deal! Elvis was an artist. But that didn't stop him from joining the service in time of war. And that's why he's The King, and you're a schmuck.
Liz: He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.
Bethany: You're suggesting I need to get filled?
Liz: In more ways than one. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes.
Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.
Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.
Liz: Then YOU need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
Bethany: I think that God is dead.
Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.
[Angels have no genitalia]
Metatron: See? I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll.
Jay: All right, but let's say we're caught in a situation where we've got like five minutes to live, like a bomb or something is gonna go off. Would you fuck us then?
Bethany: In that highly unlikely situation? Yeah, sure.
Jay: She's a slut. Bunnnng.
Jay: Guys like us just don't fall out of the fucking sky, you know.
[Rufus falls out of the sky]
Jay: Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don't fall out of the sky, you know.
Rufus: In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me.
Serendipity: I'm responsible for nineteen of the twenty top-grossing films of all time.
Bethany: Nineteen?
Serendipity: Yeah, the one about the kid, by himself in his house, burglars trying to get in and he fights them off? I had nothing to do with that one. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of shit.
Rufus: I'm telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.
Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade?
Bethany: And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust?
Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made.
Serendipity: How? That's the only thing I couldn't figure out.
Azrael: Oh no, I've seen way too many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning.
Bethany: Stall Bartleby from going into that church.
Jay: How the hell am I supposed to do that?
Bethany: Think of something.
Jay: I already did, but it takes two of us.
[after meeting God]
Jay: You want to hear something sick? I got half a stock when she kissed me.
Azrael: Quit killing people, that's high profile.
Loki: Oh, lighten up.
Bethany: What are you?
Metatron: I'm pissed off is what I am! Do you go around drenching everyone who comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you're single.
[Bethany meets Serendipity]
Bethany: Let me guess. The 14th Apostle, left out of the Bible because she's a woman?
Rufus: This girl's no woman.
[to Serendipity]
Rufus: No offense.
Bethany: Oh, so those weren't tits I saw Jay cozying up to?
Serendipity: [hugs her breasts] What, these? You should know better than anybody at this table that tits don't make the woman.
Rufus: Hell, the tubby coat-wearin' motherfucker's got tits, that damn sure doesn't make him a woman.
Serendipity: Bethany, you of anyone should know that tits dont make a woman. As you can tell, I lack definition.
Jay: [off the screen] Hey! They're getting a free show! Let me see that shit!
Bethany: Then - I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but what are you doing hanging around?
Jay: We're here to pick up chicks.
Bethany: Excuse me?
Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?
[sleep talking]
Jay: I didn't come in you, Pete, I swear.
Jay: You know, I hear pregnant women can have sex until their third trimester.
Bethany: I'll keep that in mind.
[after Rufus has fallen from the sky]
Bethany: Speaking of which, you're awfully nude. Rufus, is it?
Rufus: Yes, Rufus it is. It's usually 'Long Rufus' but it's a little cold out here, ya know?
Bethany Sloane: Why are we here?
God: [pokes Bethany's nose] Nweep.
Bethany: [on Azrael] So he's a Muse too?
Serendipity: Former Muse.
[sing-song]
Serendipity: He was kicked out...
Azrael: Oh, by all means, tell them, Serendipity. Tell them how I was slighted by the Almighty.
Serendipity: You got what you deserved, you yellow shithead.
Azrael: Ever the fucking apple polisher!
[the Stygian Triplets close in on Bethany]
Jay: Snootch to the motherfuckin' nootch!
[Jay and Silent Bob kick the Triplets' asses]
Jay: Maybe he's got a message on him like in CON AIR
Rufus: AWWWW man did that movie suck
Jay: [hiding behind silent Bob] Kill it kill it
Rufus: Con Air Con Shit
[Rufus starts walking]
Bethany: Wait a second! Between guys with wings, guys falling out of the sky, and guys trying like hell to fuck me, I think I've been pretty patient so far, and I'm not taking another step until you tell me where the hell you came from!
Rufus: Me? I came from heaven.
[starts walking again]
Loki: [to Bartleby] Who makes out with their wife?
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